transformations counseling group lcsw pllc Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling TherapyCouples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy

 

Any time people spend a lot of time together they’re bound to argue.

 

All couples argue. Happy and not so happy alike. Arguing doesn’t cause couples to split up. In fact, when people come to Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy it is the ones who don’t fight that are in serious trouble.

Disagreements and arguing are the result of trying to get your needs meet and when you can not seem to, you argue. This becomes problematic when the arguing causes an emotional disconnect between partners. When you turn to your partner and they don’t respond, distancing occurs.

It’s this distancing that, over time causes people to split up. Relationship discord becomes a byproduct of failed attempts to reconnect. It continues until we reconnected. For example, when leaving the milk on the counter turns from “it doesn’t matter” to “that’s important to me and I don’t matter.” You have bigger problems. ​

 

LEARN TO BREAK THIS CYCLE AND RESTORE THE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP YOU USED TO HAVE.

Do You Feel…

  • Unimportant – That I Don’t Matter?
  • Alone & Isolated?
  • Not Understood?
  • Your not being Heard?
  • Partner makes you feel Not Seen?
  • That your not Good Enough?
  • We’re arguing all the time even?
  • We can’t communicate?

Experiencing…

  • Lack of Trust?
  • Anger Issues?
  • Cheating?
  • Lack Of Connection?

Do You Want…

  • Restore the closeness you once had?
  • Be able to communicate better?
  • Feel closer?
  • Improve you intimacy?
  • Have the relationship you once had?

Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy

We Help Couples Restore The Close Emotional Connections They Want and Once Had. Learn New Skills To Save Your Relationship. More Relationships End Than Need Too.
We specialize in Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy in Smithtown, Suffolk County, LI 11787 
“The first and foremost instinct of humans is neither sex nor aggression. It is to seek contact and comforting connection.” When a partner gets the message that they are not important by being ignored or not responded to, his or her brain likely goes into a primal panic and sends danger signals to the rest of the body.”

Sue Johnson

Call For An Appointment Today

Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy we are more than happy to advise you on which counseling is most suitable for your needs, depending on your issues. Ask us to review your issues and we will discuss possible solutions. Our advice is free!

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april, 2020

Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy

Attachment to a significant other is a natural drive and is just as powerful as drives like hunger, thirst or sex. The importance of attachment has been understood  in healthy child development and its importance is now understood in adult relationships. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on strengthening these close emotional bond in relationships.

In EFT there is no attempt to re-negotiate new deals or resolve issues by making new agreements or contracts.  

EFT enables you to identify their underlying issues which will help create a more secure emotional bond.  And once this bond is established, couples can more readily support each other and stop falling into old predictable, circular pattern of interaction.  

EFT will help you reconnect and form stronger, more secure bonds. Helping bring you back together.    

Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy Can Help!

Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy

Can Help You Stop The Constant Arguing, Help You Feel Close and Connected Again, Learn To Communicate in a Positive Way. We work with Married couples, Engaged couples, Dating couples, Pre-Marriage counseling, Singles people looking to start a new relationship, and Domestic partners.

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More On Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy

Current research has shown that there are 10-15 things couples will fight about for their entire relationship.  In addition, it also shows that 67% of all relationship issues will never be solved. They will just be managed. It is not whether a couple fights that determines divorce, but how they fight. More specifically, how this fighting spills over and contaminates the rest of the relationship.

Older model of Couples Marriage Relationship Counseling Therapy held the belief that ‘If couples could learn to fight better’ than everything would be okay. As a result, communication & conflict resolution techniques were introduced as a way of trying to save marriages. The long held belief was that emotions were to be avoided in therapy at all costs. That emotions are messy and illogical and only got in the way of conflict resolution.

The problem is you can’t separate the emotions from the people who are having the disagreement. Ignoring emotions overlooks the fact that they are a great motivator for change. (In proper doses, anger motivates us to get up and do things and worry motivates us to make plans.)

Luckily some really smart researcher and therapist realized that relationships aren’t like business negotiation where you barter for what you want. They  realized that relationships are, in fact, emotional connections. Threats to these emotion bonds strain our sense of connection, resulting in a form of protest.

 

If you look under the surface of the disagreement you will see:

Let’s look at an example. A wife complains to her husband about an issue which the husband takes as nagging. This perceived nagging is actually the wife’s way of saying, “I need you, are you here for me?, Can I count on you to be responsive to me?” The husband sees the complaint as a deficiency that he has, that he is not living up to his end of the bargain. This results in the husband emotionally closing down or stonewalling. Stonewalling causes the wife to protest loader. And the cycle continues.

Wife: I’m not important to you because I can’t reach you. You’re not accessible and responsive. Then I will reach out to you louder until you hear me. (More complaining)

Husband: I’m not good enough because you are complaining. I hide or defend against this complaining because it makes me feel bad about me . (More stonewalling)

The circle then continues until they get help or separate.
Above is very basic example. The roles could easily be reverse where the husband is doing the reaching and the wife has shut down. There are other variations to how couples interact and it is different for each couple.

It is this habitual, circular pattern of interaction that pushes people apart and causes couples to ultimately separate. The fighting has spilled over to become a threat to the relationship and is no longer just about the needs and longings.

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